Friends, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.  Boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations from over the years adorn the floors of virtually every room in my house. 

Now, my mother has always been something of a packrat.  Can you be at all surprised?  After all, she is the offspring of the only woman to ever save the paper cups from McDonald's. 

 (She also tried to run them through the dishwasher, but that's another tale for another time, kids.)

Anyway!  I guess I had forgotten just how many decorations we had... because man, it just blew me away!  We don't really have the room anymore, and I fear we'll actually have to decorate the decorations merely in an effort to use them all. 

Now, this might be ok, even a bit fun, providing that all of the deocrations and knick-knacks are in good condition.  The problem is, many of our older ornaments are really falling apart, but my mother won't throw them away.  Something about a sentimental something-or-other.

Does anyone else detect a familial illness here?!  If I gave you a headless Santa on Christmas, you'd probably cry, and then call the police because I'm some sort of holiday weirdo.  

No one wants that garbage, and there's no reason to keep it.  The nutcracker statue with no arms?  Chuck it.  The Christmas Elf with the missing ear?  See ya.  Don't get me started on the half-eaten tubs of seasonal popcorn... you don't even want to know.

Quite frankly, it's unnatural and even a little perverse.

And if it weren't bad enough to harbor these Yuletide misfits in our house, to add onto the chaos and clutter, my grandparents donated all of their  holiday junk to none other than yours truly. Apparently for the simple reason that it couldn't fit in the trailer. 

Uh-huh, sure.  They're actually trying to bury us alive with winter cheer. 

It's working.

But as they say in the most cliché novels: the best is yet to come. 

Picture my seemingly unending journey toward death, my body slowly being consumed by worn christmas stockings and out-of-tune music boxes.  See my house being engulfed by the overflow of spirit, our lives being snuffed out by a few thousand trinkets.

Are you sitting?
Good.

My dad and granddad actually stole ornaments from some guy's driveway for our house!!  Ok ok, so that's a touch of an embellishment- the guy had actually moved out and left them behind for the garbage men.  But the principle is the same!  We don't need 'em!

Of course, my mother was delighted and proceeded to have us kids hang our newfound booty on the tree.  It started out ok, I guess.  The ornaments were cute, little reindeers and santas, and a couple of soldiers... nice stuff.

Some of them even had cute sayings... Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings, Ryan and Gloria Forever, Christmas 2001...

What on earth?!  Ryan and Gloria?!  Who are they?  And why are their names plastered all over these things?!

"Dad!  All these ornaments are personalized... we can't put these on the tree!"  He thinks a moment, not quite seeing the all-out wrongness of the situation.

"Flip them the other way, no one will know."  Oh good heavens.  Naturally, I do as I'm told- though I cringe during the entire process. 

So yeah, I've virtually covered my tree with strangers.  As funny as that sounds, it's true.  In fact, just recalling the entire thing makes me a little nervous- it seems wrong to hang someone else's family on your tree.

Merry Christmas, Ryan and Gloria- wherever you are.  There's a tree in Florida with your names on it... seriously.

....and I thought my family was insane

Have a good weekend

Oh that is too funny! Just wait until you live in the same house for 32 years, and then move. You'll find out just how much "stuff" you can accumulate. (Happened to me. AAAAGGGGHHHH!) Oh well. Have a great weekend, and I hope you can find the floor again.

BTW, I must confess. When I was about 12, my sisters and I had to clean out a former house of ours that my father had been renting out, after the tenent moved out. They left a lot of stuff behind. I found and fell in love with a porcelin angel that has half a foot missing. I still have it, and worse, I'm not getting rid of it.

And to think I was just complaining about not ENOUGH Christmas decorations :P Try not to get lost between your tree and the presents!

We've got boxes and decorations all over the house here, but even my mother throws away the broken stuff. And we don't forage other people's junk for stuff, either.

Amen, brother.

We are leaving this notice to All Members of Joe Cool's Gang. We had a lot of fun when we found the Snoopy quiz and had our journal friend's take it. We decided to make our friends list into the peanut gang. Our friends told their friends and the gang grew and grew. We really enjoyed it and I think we all made some new and special friends because of it. The gang has more than served it's purpose for that reason. That said, we think it's time to "retire" the gang. So we would like anyone who is displaying a gang button to please remove it. Also we are going to go back to a regular friend's list just like everyone else. We would love to put all the gang members on our list, but we thought it would be best to ask each one of you if you would like to be on it first. Please leave us a tag or comment and let us know if we can put you on our ordinary Robin's Journal friends list. We know our journal doesn't appeal to everyone, and
if we don't hear from you that is okay and we will have no hard feelings at all. We want to thank each and every one of you for being a part of Joe Cool's Gang, and we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. We wish you all a very safe and happy holiday season. Robin and Mom.

Oh dear.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/adam583/generaldispatches/

LOL a great read as USUAL! LOve the story kinda reminds me of my mom! Thanks for the chuckle and have a GREAT WEEKEND! Wil and THE

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas! And now we are all wishing you a HAPPY NEW YEAR too! Your friends, Gayle, David, Michael, Chubby, Bert and Ernie

Stage a burglary and take only the old ornaments. Your parents will believe and understand.