Where Logic is the New Little Black Dress... 
Logic knows no gender or age; it thinks nothing of education or race, finance or preference. Logic knows no bounds.
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Copyright © 2004
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No portion of this material may be reproduced at any time without express written consent from the author.
My mother has decided the kitchen needs some new decor. A theme, she says. All good kitchens have a theme. Now, I don't know if you've noticed... but kitchens can be one of two things. They can be tasteful and appetizing, or they can be gaudy and ridiculous.
She has a bag from Beall's Outlet and I have a prayer. Dear God... please let this bag contain nothing tacky. Nothing that makes you wince and promise yourself you'll never let that happen to your kitchen. If you do this for me, I'll...
My prayer has ended early. There's no need to go further with the bargains and the pleas. She has already reached in and pulled out a little ceramic rooster. Ok, that's pretty harmless. A sigh of relief, a reassuring smile and I turn away from her, content to let her finish out her dreams of interior design.
Imagine my surprise when I come back into the kitchen a mere ten minutes later to find the countertop covered in not one, not two, not a few, but many ceramic roosters. Realistic looking, kind of creepy, a taxidermist's dream, roosters. They're everywhere. On the shelves, on the counters, even on the wall.
"On the wall?" I hear you ask. "Let's not exaggerate, Ms. Logic- that's just crazy talk." But is it, my friends?
In this barnyard bag of country things, there are about a dozen small picture frames. Each picture frame is a handsome, basic black. Inside each picture frame is a rooster. 12 pictures of roosters. No, not even. 12 pictures of a single rooster. Yes, that's right. I kid you not. The very same rooster.
The only difference in the photos is whether this one, extremely photogenic rooster is facing the left, or the right.
Stop laughing, I'm serious.
Now where to put the entire portfolio of an aspiring model rooster in one's kitchen? Hmmmm?
Oh! Here's an idea. How about side by side in 4 rows of 3 on one wall? Genius, yeah? I know you're all beating yourselves up for not thinking of it first. Maybe you're even putting on your shoes right now, determined to go out in the darkness and find these same trinkets my mother discovered.
Not so fast though, for you shan't be finding any rooster collectibles today, my darlings. Relax, put down the car keys, and take a deep breath. You see, every rooster figurine ever created is in my kitchen. So you'd just be wasting your time.
I know- it's almost too much to take. Put down the whiskey- don't go down this path of misery over one woman's tasteless pursuits. You too can find your own thematic elements for your kitchen.
Anyway, back to the story. So you'd think we had about covered it, yeah? Roosters on every conceivable surface and a Rooster Hall Of Fame on one very unlucky wall.
Just wait, folks- it gets even better.
"Now for the Piece de Resistance!" She squeals in an almost girlish delight as she reaches in another, rather large bag I'd entirely missed.
What I see before me is indeed the pinacle of this garish nightmare. The Pharaoh of Figurines, the Prince of Poultry, the Rajah of Roosters... a HUGE rooster that stands at least three feet tall.
A rooster so large it had to be put on a shelf far out of reach (unfortunately not out of sight) because if it fell it could crush Little One, and seriously injure any other member of the house.
And she's absolutely in love with it. He's good though I guess, he watches over the kitchen and scares away unwanted visitors. And he keeps the cat from jumping up on the counters. He's the best scarecrow we've ever had; too bad that wasn't his intended occupation.
A day or so later, my mother had finally come to her senses. The roosters are a bit much, she admitted. Amen, mama! Where to start? That horrific Rooster Wall. Only, she didn't exactly rectify the problem, so much as alter it a little.
That's right. Instead of 4 rows of 3, there are now only 3 rows of 3. Where are the other three photos, you ask? They've been put on display in the dining area of our kitchen. Spread the magic, Mom- why not just put roosters in every room? That way we'll never have to worry about houseguests of any kind ever again.
And Larry (as he has been affectionately named by Sister) is still watching over us all, scaring us witless in the middle of the night.
And thus concludes my essay on why my mother will NEVER have a job with Home and Garden Television. 
My my, she's back! Ms. Logic is most truly back and at her most hysterical. Loved it, as always. :) 
Well with all those roosters, I guess you don't have to worry about sleeping in! 
Alright, I got two questions!
I bet she would love that 
)
If you're not making this up I hereby predict she'll be piercing her belly button soon, {if she hasn't already} {seen it lately??}
Unfortunately your mother and i have the same decorating sensibilities! Sorry but I forgot to change the PRIVACY setting for my comments.... thanks for typing it in 3 times! Ya gotta love persistance! Stay safe! 
Wow, it seems we have the same situation. My mom loves roosters, too, but not to the extent yours does. (Only 5 in out kitchen.) I must say, I drew the line when she got mats with the definition of rooster on it. Lol, I think we should start a club/rehabilitation center. Victims of Fowl Related Decor or VFRD. (How you pronounce that is anybody's guess.) 
from us, especially from Chubby. 
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